Time and optimism flowing
I read somewhere that we optimists are often late because we believe that everything will go as planned. Nothing will impede my progress. Traffic signals will turn green, just for me. There will be no out-of-service signs ATMs; no detours or road blocks.
An optimist thinks, “I can get all this done before I leave the house and still make it to brunch (or class, or a meeting) on time.” So that was my excuse—”I’m not late; I’m an optimist!”
But recently, on different days, I was late to Pilates class, late to counseling, late to a workshop, late for a zoom call…. and too late to submit a poem by the deadline. Clearly, the universe was thwarting my plans! Or was it? More likely, I was getting in my own way by ignoring how the world actually works. And I was disrespecting other people’s time.
It’s not the “lateness” in and of itself that bothers me—it’s my lack of awareness.
Andi’s top ten fixes?
Sorry, I don’t have a “listicle” of ten do’s and don’ts for all you optimists. But I can share with you what happened when I paused long enough to consider my tardiness.
First, I identified the unkind scripts playing in my head: “Why should I arrive early, stand around, and waste time waiting for you? You’re not always on time, anyway.” Or, “I’m 65; I’ve earned the right to be late!”
Second, I analyzed the situations, like the day I was late to Allison’s workshop: I was staying at a friend’s house, not at the conference hotel. I opted for earrings and lipstick and a quick glance at text messages before rushing out to my car, forgetting that when you park outside and it’s been snowing, you have to scrape the windshield and let the car warm up.
Third, I recognized unrealistic expections. “Andrea, you can’t start a load of wash, brush your teeth, check email, and put your shoes on in under two minutes.”
Awareness can lead to better actions and outcomes for yourself and others. We cannot live perfectly, but we can transform our mistakes into a means of grace.
Optimistic stories of transformation and grace
Counseling: Arriving early, I had several moments to collect my thoughts. I realized I could leave my jacket in the car; I had time to make sure I had my notebook and pen; I remembered to silence my phone; and when I got out of the car, I still had time to meet the groundskeeper, Lee, and tell him how much I liked the little grotto he’d created for the rock fountain between the parking lot and the building.
Pilates: I was determined to arrive early. Shoes on and out the door, walking down the street with plenty of time to spare. One of my neighbors, whom I’d never met, happened to be on his driveway adding boxes to his recycle bin. He’s an artist. Several of his sandstone sculptures sit between his house and our back fence. I introduced myself as the neighbor around the corner—the yard with the cottonwood tree that shades his creations. He said, “I’m Joe. What do you do?” I told him I was a writer. We had a lovely conversation about art and writing before the Recycling truck came up the street. ~ “You’re early!” said Sarah, surprised I was the first student to show up. “I even had time to meet a neighbor,” I told her. When the second student arrived, also early, we helped Sarah adjust the equipment for that day’s class. When the third student arrived, on time, we were all ready to begin. No one was late.
Zoom co-writing: I adjusted my mindset. “Andrea, when the meeting on your calendar starts at 10:00 a.m., that does not mean clicking the link at 10:00 a.m.” So I got my coffee, settled in at my desk, and clicked the link ten minutes early. While Zoom was loading, I had time to put a note on my office door, grab a pen, a notebook, plug in headphones, etc. When Judith opened the session, I was ready.
Brunch: I tried, Theresa, and I almost made it on time! xoxo
Memoir: In the next seventeen days, I will revise 170 pages of my manuscript to send to my developmental editor, Christine. So that’s 10 pages a day. How many have I done today? Zero. I’m optimistic, but if I don’t start soon, I will disappoint myself and Christine! But first, I’ll leave you with a few notes from my bulletin board.
The more time you spend cultivating conscious awareness, the less time you’ll find yourself wandering down the rabbit trail, or worse, falling down the rabbit hole.
“I’ve never been good at it, but I’ve been good at realizing I could be better,” said percussionist Evelyn Glennie in a BBC interview, Dec. 27, 2023.
We default to the familiar—habits, patterns of thinking, ways of doing. Unfamiliarity is not comfortable. It’s unsettling. It’s why we get stuck in certain behaviors even after they stop serving us.
Optimistically yours,
Andi
Hi Andi! I regret being so late to reply to your enlightening post. When it first arrived in my inbox, I knew I was going to enjoy it, but I realized I had to load the dishwasher and put a load of towels in the dryer before I headed out to my volunteer gig at he Outpost Jazz Performance Space... Well, thanks for the great tips on how to better experience time and elevate awareness of being in the moment and being on time. Gotta go! M
Apparently, I have been a time optimist, too. Time to look at the messages I have been reassuring myself with, the ones that trick me into believing it’s OK to do one more thing before heading out!